


Sick

by petitepos



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Hurt, I'm sorry for this piece of filth, M/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 06:09:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10656516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petitepos/pseuds/petitepos
Summary: Ryeowook is perfect in Jongwoon's eyes. If only he could be good enough for him.





	1. Ryeowook

_ Ryeowook looks at Jongwoon from the other side of the practice room. He represses the feeling of grief he gets whenever he looks at his kind-of boyfriend. _

 

_ At one point he hadn’t needed to. They seemed so perfect together. In the beginning everything was good. They stole kisses between their schedules, made love behind locked doors and whispered soft I love you’s in the middle of the night. But the kisses were stolen from them, the doors never got locked anymore and the only thing audible in the dead of the night was silence. A deafening silence. _

 

_ At first Ryeowook had tried to save them. He'd asked if he was doing something wrong, was he bothering Jongwoon? But the other just brushed it off. As time went on the question became more pressing, never quite leaving Ryeowook’s mind. Whether they were happy or sad, it was always there. _

 

_ A few months passed like this before it happened. They were in the kitchen, the rest of the members out for the night. Ryeowook was cooking, Jongwoon not showing interest at all.  _

__

The younger takes a deep breath before asking it again. “Have I done something wrong?” He hears Jongwoon curse and flinches. 

 

“Ryeowook, sweet sweet Ryeowook. Of course you haven't done anything wrong. You're the boy next door, the son in law all the parents dream of.” Jongwoon approaches him and he turns around, not liking what he sees. “Why would you think you've done something wrong? You never do, it sickens me.” His boyfriend’s already dark features seem to be standing out more than usual, fire in his eyes and a mocking smirk on his lips. “There, I said it. That's right, you make me sick Wookie. Always so nice, so kind, it must be a lie. You are a lie, too good, that explains why you  _ love _ me too, doesn't it?” The word love sounds foreign now, almost spat out, like it grosses Jongwoon out. He was now so close to Ryeowook, close enough for him to smell the alcohol on Jongwoons breath. He'd been drinking again.

 

Ryeowook pushes Jongwoon away from him softly, turning back to the abandoned food. Jongwoon stumbles but catches himself on the counter. “You're drunk. I'm sorry I asked, go lie down or something, I'll bring you some food later.” He barely manages to suppress the trembles in his voice. Jongwoon had never lashed out at him like this. What was he supposed to do now? Does Jongwoon really think he's faking everything? He doesn't have much time to think before the other is suddenly pressed against his back, his slurred words sounding more like growls than anything else. “Even now, with me saying you make me fucking sick, you still keep up the act. Why wookie, why not just stop faking and confess that you've been lying all along. Confess that you've never loved me because I am not worthy of you.” 

 

Ryeowook pushes Jongwoon off of him, the stench of alcohol  combined with his words enough to make him feel dizzy. “Please stop this, I do love you. I promise. Just, just calm down and we can talk when you are sober again, because you clearly aren't thinking straight right now.” Jongwoon just stares at him and slowly stalks closer. He has Ryeowook pressed against the counter, leaving nowhere to go. “I don't need to sober up, I need you to shut the fuck up. Just being near you already makes me want to throw up, I don't need alcohol for that. Don't tell me what to do, oh sweet sweet Wookie. That's not what nice boys do. Only jerks like me get that privilege.”

 

Ryeowook is getting scared now. Jongwoon wasn't giving up, wasn't going away. He knows the other doesn't exactly like himself,but disliking Ryeowook? That’s new information, information that he doesn't know how to process. He wants so bad to calm the elder down, but doesn't seem to know the right words. “Please believe me Jongwoon, I'd never lie to you. Now please just go before you say or do something you'll regret.”

 

“Fuck that, my whole life is already one big pile of regret. And you know what I regret most? You.” Jongwoon is leaning in, face dangerously close to Ryeowook’s. “I defiled you, made you less perfect, I'm no good, not for you. Not for precious and perfect Ryeowook. I've hurt you too many times and yet I already know I'll do it again.” Ryeowook is starting to panic now, already sensing where this is going. “If you love me Wookie, kiss me. Show me you mean it. Words mean nothing, people lie, but their actions don't.” The younger is now hitting Jongwoon on his chest, trying to break free. Yes, he wants the other, but not now, not like this. 

 

He finally manages to break free and sprints to his bedroom, tripping over his own feet. Footsteps sounds behind him and he turns around just in time to see Jongwoon tower over him with a dangerous smile before easily picking him up and throwing him down on the couch. Ryeowook is screaming at him to stop, begging him. Jongwoon just laughs and presses their lips together. Ryeowook realizes it's pointless to fight and goes limp in the other’s strong grip. Jongwoon moves down to his neck and chuckles as he starts roughly marking the other. “Yea, that's right, that’s a good boy. God, you are so hot Wookie, so sweet and so hot and so god damn perfect.” Ryeowook feels tears streaming down his face when Jongwook bites down on his flesh. There's nothing gentle or loving about this. He starts to zone out but Jongwoons moans keep bringing him back to the present. “Look at you, almost as gross as me, do you like being treated like this? Being claimed by me? Knowing someone so vile did this to you?” Ryeowook softly sobs into the other his shoulder. “Please, please just stop, you're not like this, you are supposed to love me right?” 

 

Jongwoon sits up and almost falls over, still drunk out of his mind. He slowly starts unzipping his pants and pulls out his dick. “Oh but I do dear Ryeowook,very much. But you just aren't supposed to love me back. This needs to be done so you are as filthy as me and you can love me. Don't pretend you don't like this too. Now, say  _ aaaah _ .” Ryeowook want to scream at him again but is cut off when Jongwoon shoves himself into his mouth and starts moving his hips. Ryeowook almost chokes and tries to pull off, but the other is quicker and pulls Ryeowook closer by his hair. It hurts. Jongwoon is wrong, he doesn't like this, not when he is fucking wildly into his mouth, not when he starts cursing, not when he spills into his mouth. Jongwoon falls asleep afterwards, leaving Ryeowook with tear stains on his cheeks and an aftertaste that doesn't go away, even after he's brushed his teeth for the fourth time. 

 

The morning after Ryeowook tip-toes into the living room, Yesung is still passed out on the couch. Ryeowook feels nauseous at the sight of him and quickly dashes to the toilet, emptying whatever was still left in his stomach. He wipes the sweat off his brow and walks into their kitchen, cleaning up the mess he'd left last night. He is putting the last dish in the kitchen when he hears a groaning coming from the living room.  Ryeowook slowly peeks around the corner and sees his boyfriend stretching himself out and softly groaning. He blinks a few times before seeing Ryeowook. Jongwoon smiles at him, did he not remember last night? Ryeowook quickly retreats into the kitchen, not wanting to face him just yet. He isn’t given much time before the other stumbles into the kitchen. 

 

“Hey Wookie, I’ve got the worst hangover ever, did something happen last night, I can’t really remember anything.” That is all it takes for Ryeowook to break down. He falls against the counter, sliding down to the floor, tears falling. Jongwoon looks startled, rushing to his side. “NO!” Ryeowook is trembling, chest heaving with the need to breathe. “please, don't touch me, just go away.” The other boy looks confused, not knowing why he’s acting this way. “Wookie? What's wrong, have I done something stupid last night?” Ryeowook looks up at him, eyes wet and face red. “You really don't remember anything?” Jongwoon shakes his head no.

 

“So you don't remember saying I make you sick?” Jongwoon looks shocked and shakes his head again, mouth slightly agape. “You really can't recall saying you're worthless, then that the thing you regret most of all is being with me?” The other is slowly starting to tear up, but Ryeowook doesn't want to stop, raising his voice until he is screaming. “You expect me to believe you don't know you told me you loved me before forcing yourself onto me? before practically raping me?" His small voice cracks on the last sentence, having trouble even getting the words out. Jongwoon just stands there for a moment, shock evident on his face. It’s almost quiet for a minute, only Ryeowook's sobs audible in the small room. He shuts his eyes and let his head fall on his knees. Jongwoon is by his side before he can protest, pulling him against his own body. 

 

“Oh god Ryeowook I am so sorry I don't know what came over me, can you ever forgive me? I'll do anything, I swear, please don't hate me Ryeowook, please.” The smaller doesn't want to give in, but Jongwoon really seems to be sorry. “I'm sorry Jongwoon, I don't know if I can ever forgive you.” Every one of his instincts is screaming for him to hug the other back, to say it'll be alright, but he knows he shouldn't. “I'll need some time, so please leave.” Jongwoon is silent for a second before nodding and standing up. “I'll switch rooms with someone, just let me know when you are ready to talk.”

 

With that he’s gone, and Ryeowook is alone again. 


	2. Yesung

_ Everything had started out great for them. With Ryeowook Jongwoon could forget about everything, he felt safe and secure with him. But as time passed his insecurities came back. Ryeowook was always so perfect, so beautiful, so kind. And then there was Jongwoon, plain old Jongwoon. He was everything Ryeowook wasn’t. He was imperfect, undeserving of Ryeowook’s love as he put it. Slowly but surely he started feeling physically sick being around the other. It’s not as if he stopped loving him. Being with him was taking a toll on him, constantly being confronted with his own shortcomings.  _

 

_ It first happened when they were laying down after a round of mind-blowing sex. Ryeowook had looked anywhere but at him when he asked: “Have I done something wrong?” Jongwoon pulled the younger into his arms and assured him that he’d done nothing to upset him, that it was all in his head. But as time went on, he began asking the question more and more often, and with every time he could feel his resolve breaking.  _

 

_ It had happened on a night like any other. The rest of the band was out for karaoke and dinner, both him and Ryeowook choosing to stay in instead. He’d been downing bottle after bottle of beer for an hour while his boyfriend was busy preparing dinner. _

Jongwoon feels the alcohol starting to take control of him and everything feels drowsy. He’s sitting in the kitchen, having moved from the living room a few minutes ago. Ryeowook is talking to him, he knows that much, but he doesn’t register a single word the other says. That is, until the other asks it again. “Have I done something wrong?” Jongwoon curses a little louder than intended and sees Ryeowook flinch. The alcohol has made him lose control of himself, all rationality having left him about two bottles ago. He chuckles and finally speaks up about what has been bugging him for months. “Ryeowook, sweet sweet Ryeowook. Of course you haven't done anything wrong. You're the boy next door, the son in law all the parents dream of. Why would you think you've done something wrong? You never do, it sickens me.” 

 

He’s approached the smaller boy, seeing the fear in his eyes. He can only imagine how he must look right now and smirks. He enjoys this power more than he should. Maybe he can get his lover to finally break, to admit it has all been a lie. “There, I said it. That's right, you make me sick Wookie. Always so nice, so kind, it must be a lie. You are a lie, too good, that explains why you  _ love _ me too, doesn't it?” Love, as if. How could someone like Ryeowook possibly love him? He couldn’t.

 

Ryeowook softly pushes at his chest, making him fall backwards. He barely catches himself on the counter. “You’re drunk. I’m sorry I asked, go lie down or something. I’ll bring you some food later.” Jongwoon looks at his boyfriend’s back confusedly. Why wasn’t he getting mad? Was he still keeping up the act? He feels a sudden surge of anger wash over him and before he knows what he’s doing he has pressed himself against Ryeowook’s back, mouth right next to his ear. “Even now, with me saying you make me fucking sick, you still keep up the act. Why wookie, why not just stop faking and confess that you've been lying all along. Confess that you've never loved me because I am not worthy of you.” 

 

He gets pushed away again, a little rougher this time. Ryeowook still looks so innocent, so pure, and Jongwoon suddenly gets the urge to ruin him. “Please stop this, I do love you. I promise. Just, just calm down and we can talk when you are sober again, because you clearly aren't thinking straight right now.” Jongwoon lets go of the last bit of rationality that was left in his mind. He strides towards the other with big steps and firmly presses him up against the counter, forcing the younger to look at him. He’s in control now. “I don't need to sober up, I need you to shut the fuck up. Just being near you already makes me want to throw up, I don't need alcohol for that. Don't tell me what to do, oh sweet sweet Wookie. That's not what nice boys do. Only jerks like me get that privilege.”

 

Ryeowook looks like he is about to cry, and Jongwoon relishes in the feeling of having done that, even though he kind of wants to cry as well. But there was no way back now, he is going to finish what he’s started. “Please believe me Jongwoon, I'd never lie to you. Now please just go before you say or do something you'll regret.”

 

The younger is straight up begging for him to stop, but what’s one more mistake? “Fuck that, my whole life is already one big pile of regret. And you know what I regret most? You.” He leans in, almost close enough for him to kiss the younger. “I defiled you, made you less perfect, I'm no good, not for you. Not for precious and perfect Ryeowook. I've hurt you too many times and yet I already know I'll do it again.” 

 

He doesn’t even register his own words anymore, only knows that he wants the other, a desperate attempt to remind himself that the other did love him. “If you love me Wookie, kiss me. Show me you mean it. Words mean nothing, people lie, but their actions don't.” Ryeowook is hitting him anywhere he can reach in a futile attempt to escape. So he doesn’t love him after all. Oh how he’d hoped otherwise. He loses his strength for a moment as a strange kind of grief washes over him. Ryeowook manages to break free and dashes away, out of the kitchen. That’s it, this has to end now. He has to drag the younger down with him or he’ll lose the one thing he loves in this world. 

 

He is already chasing after him when he sees his lover on the ground. He’s desperately trying to stand up but Jongwoon is fast and smiles at him before dragging the younger with him and sitting him down on the couch. Ryeowook is begging him to stop but he doesn’t. The alcohol surging through his veins is making him feel invincible. He feels as though the world belongs to him. He laughs and kisses the boy beneath him. Ryeowook goes limp in his arms. He feels like he’s just won a battle and smiles into their kiss. He moves down to his neck and possessively sucks a mark into the skin. The small boy lets out a moan between his sobs and Jongwoon groans.  “Yea, that's right, that’s a good boy. God, you are so hot Wookie, so sweet and so hot and so god damn perfect.” 

 

He almost lets himself enjoy this, save for the fact that Ryeowook is still crying. Maybe he finally feels what he’s been feeling for so long. The shame he felt when being with someone too good for him. “Look at you, almost as gross as me, do you like being treated like this? Being claimed by me? Knowing someone so vile did this to you?” Ryeowook rests his head on his shoulder and sobs into it, the wetness slowly seeping through his shirt and onto his bare skin. “Please, please just stop, you're not like this, you are supposed to love me right?” 

 

Jongwoon decides he needs to take this a step further if he wants the other to understand, to lower him to his level. He sits up and unzips his pants. Might as well do this now. “Oh but I do dear Ryeowook,very much. But you just aren't supposed to love me back. This needs to be done so you are as filthy as me and you can love me. Don't pretend you don't like this too. Now, say  _ aaaah _ .”

 

As he presses into the tight heat he feels a pang of regret in his chest, but he pushes it away. Ryeowook struggles at first, but goes limp when Jongwoon grabs his hair and pulls him close. It feels good knowing Ryeowook and him are equal now. He goes faster and faster, the boy beneath him choking when he cums down his throat. He curses and pulls out before flopping down on the couch and falling asleep.

 

The next morning he wakes up with a headache that’s worse than he’s ever experienced before and no recollection of the previous night. He sees Ryeowook peek his head around the corner of the kitchen and smiles. A homemade breakfast might help and nobody knows how to cook like his boyfriend does. Ryeowook disappears into the kitchen again and he stands up on wobbly legs to follow him. “Hey Wookie, I’ve got the worst hangover ever, did something happen last night, I can’t really remember anything.” 

 

Next thing he knows Ryeowook is sliding down the counter with tears sliding down his face. Jongwoon is shocked and rushes to his side. “NO!” Jongwoon stops and looks at the younger. He is trembling and panting, looking as if he’s not able to breathe. “Please, don’t touch me, just go away.” Did he hear that correctly? What has he done for Ryeowook to act like this? He racks his brain for possible explanations but none surface. “Wookie? What's wrong, have I done something stupid last night?” The younger looks up at him now, his eyes red from crying. Confusion, hurt and anger are all evident on his face. “You really don't remember anything?” Jongwoon shakes his head no, what was he supposed to remember?

 

Ryeowook seems to gain a little bit of confidence and starts speaking again. “So you don't remember saying I make you sick?” Jongwoons brain stops working at that. “You really can't recall saying you're worthless, then that the thing you regret most of all is being with me?” How did Ryeowook know all of this? These thoughts only surfaced at his darkest moments, these were words only known by the notebooks he scribbled them in in the hopes of getting rid of them. Tears start rolling down his face as well, but Ryeowook doesn’t stop screaming. “You expect me to believe you don't know you told me you loved me before forcing yourself onto me? before practically raping me?" 

 

His lover's voice cracks on the last words. His face falls down to his knees and he just sits there. Jongwoon feels his stomach turn as memories of last night slowly start coming back to him. This can’t be true, he’d never-. Regret takes over and before he knows it he’s at Ryeowook's side, pulling him against his own body. “Oh god Ryeowook I am so sorry I don't know what came over me, can you ever forgive me? I'll do anything, I swear, please don't hate me Ryeowook, please.” He feels Ryeowook lean into him for a moment before pulling away completely. “I'm sorry Jongwoon, I don't know if I can ever forgive you. I'll need some time, so please leave.”

 

Jongwoon feels like his world is collapsing around him. He understand though, he needs some time as well. He stand up and awkwardly looks away from the trembling form on the floor. “I'll switch rooms with someone, just let me know when you are ready to talk.” And with that he walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ehm  
> First of all, thanks for reading <3  
> I really appreciate it, every single one of you.  
> Secondly, I came up with this someday and just started writing it, so I really hope you liked it!  
> And finally, If enough people like this I might continue this, I have quite a few ideas for that.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, and sorry if I got the characters completely wrong, I've only been a suju stan for a little over a week :$
> 
> (I do really love Yesung by the way, don't get me wrong. I just needed kind of a bad guy in this, I love the yewook couple, 1 and 1 makes 2 and before I knew this existed. So apologies for that!)


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